Sabotaged

Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

^17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

^21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

²⁴I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

I'm so easily tripped up and how often do i respond to the pressures of life as if I have no God to rely on? I trip and i fall. I say things i wish i hadn't. I become impatient. My selfishness shines through all too often.

And at these times I am then reminded that Christ lives in me and wants to live through me. I repent for the millionth time and often have to apologize to those i love. I get back up.

Sometimes i think i should be further along with jesus and that i should be better than i am. I should be walking in the spirit more than i am and i should be more like jesus by now. Sometimes i am discouraged by the lack of apparent spiritual growth in my life. How easlily i forget the power that resides in me.

This is why reading the Bible every day and some time in the morning in prayer are so very needed in my life. I find that in reading i force my mind to think on God and remember all that i have already known. In praying i speak and am spoken to. I gain strength and my faith is recovered. I come away clean and ready to try again. Until i see Christ and am made to be like Him, i will always need time away to get my mind in touch with what my spirit already knows.

Christ in me, the hope of glory.