Confessions from a nervous breakdown

2 Corinthians 1:9 (New Living Translation)

⁹ In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

Troubles, pressures and even pain can serve a good purpose and bring about the most amazing change in our lives. I cant help but think back to 14 years ago when I suffered a nervous breakdown while in graduate school. What causes ones "nerves" to break down? The Doctors explained the physiological reason being that ongoing stress had caused a depletion in the serotonin levels in my brain. Evidently serotonin is, like all other chemicals in ones head, a very important component to maintaining ones mental agility. So as the stress increased year after year the chemical imbalance grew. When the chemicals in my brain reached a tipping point I was found roaming the streets of my University Campus. Thinking back to those days still brings a wave of humiliation in a way. I was proud of myself and my life up to that point. I did not really think I needed a savior. Rich in spirit.

But then in the middle of that mess I woke up as if from a sleep. When I thought I was going to die I stopped relying on myself and started relying on God who raises the dead. Yes, in one moment I accepted the reality that I was in fact poor and in need of saving. When I believed in Christ as The answer He swept over me and through me letting every fiber of my being finally relax. When Jesus says, "come to me if you are weary and I will give you rest for your soul", he means it quite literally.

Today, all these years later I still simply rely and relax. He has healed my chemical imbalance and provided me with the grace to live a life that leans on Him. I can see that through talking with Him and reading all about Him in the Bible I am kept sane. Life is every bit as pressure packed, but I have a God now. Not Rob, but Christ that lives in me. I live by trusting Him now with it all. He is my leader and He leads me beside quiet waters so often. He restores my soul daily. He anoints me and gives me rest. He protects me and provides for me. I thought i would die but in the middle of that pressure i learned to turn to the one who can handle it all.

Father, today I want you to know that i totally trust you. My life is yours. Thank you for loving me and caring for me so much. I'm humbled and yet proud to be your son forever.